I am putting out my thoughts with great courage , i still feel the fear of being judged and finally preached : How bad it is to be FAT and how i should have been careful and not done what i did to be what I am today.
But I am going to write this blog anyways , because its not about the outside noise anymore but about what truly matters to me.
“I think I am a pretty chubby wubby girl , who loves Food and Fashion”.
For a break I just want to be who I am now , yes I am overweight and i am trying to train myself into a healthier lifestyle , but i am not going to bog myself down anymore with what family , friends or people want me to be. Yes no doubt they all mean well and i truly appreciate it ,and by no means do i support or profess an unhealthy lifestyle but this constant preaching of how FAT is bad for me and how much better i can be once i loose weight is not letting me enjoy my present moment the way it was meant to be.
So today after another long phone call full of
you need to loose weight
join a gymn
don’t eat out
I felt drained , bitter and angry and like most of the chub-kins sailing in my boat i thought that my life is the most miserable in the world ( I know that’s not true) but that’s what i thought.So i again opened a bag of my trusty friend Lay’s masala and popped a big one in my mouth , Ah the dance the spices did on my tongue instantly made me feel better and with that crunchy munch i almost forgot the conversation , halfway down the bag of chips and already reaching out for my TV remote now ,I asked myself a rhetorical question ” Why are you doing this to yourself ?”
Well like always I din’t have an answer , only a silent discomfort within, that needed acceptance and Love .
So i dumped Mr. Lay’s and headed out for a walk , trying to understand what is it that’s holding me from adopting a healthy lifestyle and finally making the big dreams come true.
Well for sure the answer is simpler than i wanted to hear , its lack of self love , yes i know its written on almost every fat girl’s blog who has ever overcome the pounds so in that way I don’t really have anything new to say.
But i know that Acceptance is the first step towards change and i have made peace with my weight and my curves. Now before i decide to hit a gymn , i am going to show some love and acceptance to the inner me that has been tormented all these years not by the criticism it got from others but the constant criticism and comparison inside. I have realized that its truly not the judgement of others that hurt me but my ignorance to my own self that caused me all this pain.
So step 1 to feeling better
Buying some awesome clothes that are fashionable and look good on me , no more baggy Tshirts and kurtas.
After all every girl is a princess and she deserves to be treated well.
Mwah Princess !
Isha 🙂
ishanigam 